


Seeking Change Through a Series of Firsts

by wizardinblack



Series: No One Knows [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal, M/M, Older Man/Younger Man, flip fucking, mild dirty talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2013-12-27
Packaged: 2018-01-06 08:29:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1104660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wizardinblack/pseuds/wizardinblack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bertholdt knew it was a bad idea, but he did it anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seeking Change Through a Series of Firsts

**Author's Note:**

> set in the 'No One Knows' universe.  
> here is, hopefully, some insight on erwin/bertholdt's relationship. i wanted to show more of Bertholdt's intent, but it ended up just being smutty.  
> I suppose you don't really need to read 'No One Knows' first, but it probably helps.
> 
> Also, remember, Bertholdt is 15 in this and Erwin is 35. If that makes you uncomfortable than please don't read it.  
> Also also, there is some flip fucking going on, i dunno if that warrants a warning, but if you dont want to see Erwin bottom than you can easily skip that part as it is short.

After Erwin blew Bertholdt in his car at the parking lot of the park, Bertholdt wasn’t sure if he should go back. A week passed and Bertholdt was debating on if he should go or not to continue his usual work out routine. Since nothing like this had ever happened to him before he wasn’t sure what the proper etiquette would be. Should he go and act like nothing happened? Should he go and express his feelings about it? Should he not go at all? Would Erwin even be there? Did Erwin want to even see him again?

He had been thinking about it all week, and whether Erwin wanted to see him or not he decided he would go, because he wanted to see him. If Erwin was there than good, if not than it was no big deal either.

Bertholdt knew it was a bad idea to see him again, but he wanted to. He had to. He knew what they did was bad, but because he couldn’t stop thinking about it he just had to go back and see him again, just to test something.

Bertholdt had never really considered the thought that he was gay. He had a feeling that he wasn’t necessarily normal, but being gay had never really crossed his mind. He had gotten teased about it before, just other kids in middle school calling him ‘gay’ or whatever, but it was always just a name and nothing more. He never felt like it was a personal attack on who he was. But now he wasn’t so sure.

He just didn’t have a lot of friends, and that was normal for Bertholdt, so he didn’t think it was weird to not be attracted to any of the girls in his class. None of them were his friend so why would he be attracted to them? That’s how it worked right? But he wasn’t a friend with Erwin either. They had only talked occasionally at the park, and he didn’t even know his last name, how old he was, or anything else about him other than that he was older, and he was hot. Bertholdt was attracted to Erwin. For the first time he felt a sudden rush of, ‘wow, this person is amazing and I want them,’ towards any human being, and he wasn’t even sure what it meant.

When Erwin blew him it had raised a whole bunch of new questions. Bertholdt didn’t stop him, despite his usual hatred for close contact with strangers. There was that feeling of ‘want’ again that he still didn’t really understand. And then, he was forced to address the issue of whether or not he was gay.

The whole week he had thought about Erwin. Erwin, who always wore a loose fitting tank, with large holes for the arms so his sides and torso were visible, his muscles flexing and straining as he worked out, shimmering in the sun with sweat. Then, there were the tight runner shorts, they went down to his knees, but they were so tight it didn’t leave much to the imagination. Bertholdt didn’t know a man’s ass could look that good, and the first time he saw him he had to remind himself not to stare. On top of it all, he was just good looking. He had light blonde hair and bright blue eyes, high check bones, and full lips. 

And then there was the image of those full lips wrapped around his cock that Bertholdt couldn’t get out of his mind. He kept thinking about it. The feeling of being kissed, his first kiss, so suddenly and so forcefully, like Erwin had just been waiting for the opportunity. That thought alone made him feel hot, but then he remembered those lips traveling hurriedly down his torso, his tongue poking out and licking at his stomach, and then onto his cock. Bertholdt hadn’t lasted very long, and he had mumbled out a startled apology when he came, but Erwin had just smiled at him, licking the cum from his lips, like it was nothing.

The moment was burned into his memory, and he had probably masturbated more in that week alone than he had in his whole life. He just kept thinking about Erwin, and how nice he had felt touching his skin, feeling like he was everywhere at once, his hands and tongue feeling him in ways he didn’t know were possible. Never had he ever imagined anyone could want him so much. It felt so strange to think about it.

He had to see him again. He had to know for sure. He had to feel him again. Had to feel wanted, like he was somebody, and not a lonely teenager with no friends, no siblings, and no father.

 

When he got to the park he was grateful that Erwin was there, stretching, like usual, but he also was incredibly nervous, because he didn’t know what to say or even how to approach him.

Erwin just smiled at him when he saw him, and luckily he had started the conversation without Bertholdt needing too. Bertholdt felt beyond awkward, but Erwin had acted casual, and they ran the track like they usually did. Bertholdt thought that maybe it was a one-time thing, until when they were finished Erwin asked him to come back to his place to ‘relax.’

Bertholdt hesitated, but he knew he wanted it, so he couldn’t help it when he said ‘yes,’ and hopped into his car. Part of him thought that other than the age difference this situation could still be bad. Erwin could be dangerous and Bertholdt could have no idea. He thought about it, but he decided he really didn’t care.

Erwin waited this time, choosing not to attack him until they got to his apartment, which was a nice one-bedroom suite in a large building, on the 8th floor, with a balcony. Once they were inside Erwin didn’t waste anytime making his move. He pushed him against the door and began kissing him with just as much passion as the time in the car before. Bertholdt tried to keep up, but it was hard for his inexperienced lips, so he just let Erwin do whatever he wanted for the time being.

He yelped when a hand slipped between his legs, palming his already hard member.

“Bertholdt,” Erwin said over his lips, and then moved down to his neck, while still palming his erection. “Are you a virgin?”

Bertholdt made a tiny whimpering noise in his throat, feeling embarrassed. 

“It’s ok,” Erwin reassured him. “I don’t mind taking care of that for you, if you don’t mind of course.”

Bertholdt thought about it for a moment, of course it was hard to think probably with Erwin’s hand on his dick, but he did try. He thought about how Erwin didn’t know he was only 15, and he thought about how this wasn’t really how he had planned on loosing his virginity. He hadn’t thought about that a lot, but he always assumed it would be like in the movies, that he’d be with a girl for a while and then they would eventually do it. But he realized he wasn’t like most people, and that his life wasn’t like a movie, and that he wasn’t that lucky. Bertholdt was alone so much of the time that he had gotten used to it, and with Erwin in front of him he felt like he might as well take the chance. Maybe this would help. Maybe physically loving someone would help him deal with the loneliness that had consumed his young life.

Bertholdt just nodded, stuttering out, “O-ok.”

Erwin smiled at him, and pulled away, grabbing him by his wrist, and leading him into his bedroom.

Erwin guided him onto the bed. Bertholdt complied, gently rested his back against the covers, and his legs hung off the end. Erwin stood in front of him, and slowly began to undress himself.

Bertholdt felt his throat go dry. He gripped the cover of the bed, trying to will his hands to stop shaking. He was so nervous, and didn’t know what was going to happen next. All he could do was focus on the man undressing in front of him, his cock painfully hard already and twitching in his shorts.

Erwin undressed completely and stood naked in front of Bertholdt. Bertholdt couldn’t help but stare, and he slowly raked his eyes down Erwin’s body, taking him all in. 

He heard Erwin chuckle, making him look back up to his face, and sees the satisfied smirk resting there. Bertholdt didn’t know if he should say anything or not, but he didn’t think he could anyway, so he said nothing.

Erwin swooped down, rested a knee in between Bertholdt’s thighs, and began kissing him. He ghosted his fingers up Bertholdt’s sides, slowly started to bring his t-shirt up, and slipped his hands under. Bertholdt kept his hands to his side, with the cover still gripped tightly in his fists. He wasn’t sure if he should touch Erwin back, but he was too afraid to try anyway.

Erwin pressed his body closer, kept his lips attached to his, and Bertholdt felt his bare chest pressed against the part of his that was no longer hid behind his shirt. Feeling the skin on skin contact lit him up with fire, and he suddenly felt incredibly hot. Without thinking he moaned into the kiss, and Erwin chuckled again.

He sat up, moving his legs so he was straddling Bertholdt’s lap. Bertholdt took a sharp intake of breath at the feel of Erwin’s ass on his clothed erection, and his head fell back as he closed his eyes. The weight on top of him felt strange. Even though Erwin and Bertholdt were the same height Erwin was bulkier, heavier with thick muscle, while Bertholdt was leaner. Having the larger man on top of him felt daunting, like Erwin had all control of him, had him trapped, and could do anything he wanted to him. Bertholdt felt his cock twitch in his shorts at the thought and the realization that he didn’t mind having Erwin pinning him down, making him feel smaller than he really was.

Erwin wasn’t fully hard yet, but he rocked his backside into Bertholdt, and smirked at the reaction it got out of him. He glided his hands back up Bertholdt torso, grabbed his shirt, and then enticed Bertholdt to lift his arms so he could remove it completely.

He continued to touch his chest and stomach, and Bertholdt let out little pants and gasps at all the sensations, his big, rough hands moving over his hyper sensitive skin with surprising delicacy, and yet being forceful enough when they needed to be.

“Good, Bertholdt?” Erwin asked, and Bertholdt simply nodded, eyes still closed. He couldn’t bring himself to look at him, feeling too embarrassed and overwhelmed. The only contact on his cock was the occasional roll of Erwin’s hips, but he still felt if he opened his eyes to see the man above him he’d cum right there on the spot.

Bertholdt whimpered as Erwin graced his thumbs over his nipples in slow, rough circles. Then, he glided his hands down Bertholdt’s arms, grabbed him at his wrists, and lifted them up and placed his hands on his own chest, egging him on to touch him back.

Bertholdt complied with shaky hands. He tried to mimic what Erwin did to him, and slowly brought his hands downwards, briefly brushed them over his nipples, and then trailed them downwards over the muscles on his stomach. He tried to swallow the dryness in his throat as he went, and watched the older man’s muscles twitch under his touch, watched his hips move as they grinded against his own crotch, and shyly eyed the naked cock that hung in front of him.

“It’s ok,” Erwin encouraged him, his voice deep and husky. “Go ahead.”

Bertholdt looked up at him briefly before he continued. Slowly he reached for his cock, keeping one hand on his hip to feel the motion of his movements, and grabbed the base.

Erwin let out a sigh of content, and Bertholdt got some more confidence as he felt it get harder in his hand. It felt different than his own cock, it was bigger, thicker, and from the angle he was at Bertholdt had to adjust to get used to the motion as he stroked it. He did so slowly, feeling unsure, and was still too afraid to even look up at Erwin, scared of his reaction.

Erwin grabbed his chin, forcing Bertholdt’s head to tilt upward. “Look at me.”

Bertholdt listened and whimpered helplessly, the look in Erwin’s eyes making him feel weak as he stared down at him, challenging him. He gripped him tighter, matching the intensity of the heavy grip on his jaw, and pumped him with more assurance. Erwin grunted, his eyes still tightly locked onto Bertholdt’s, and he breathed out, “That’s good, good, Bertholdt…”

Bertholdt felt encouraged, especially at hearing his name in such a sultry way, and worked him faster, falling into a good rhythm that felt right. Erwin didn’t let him continue for long though, and he grinded himself onto Bertholdt’s crotch one last time before lifting himself up slightly, then sitting back on Bertholdt’s thighs.

Bertholdt removed his hand from him due to the slight position change leaving him out of reach, and watched silently as Erwin slid down his running shorts. His cock was hard, and snagged on the waistband, and he let out a low groan as Erwin slid them down slowly, letting the material rub his cock until it sprung free.

Then, Erwin took a hold of his cock, making Bertholdt shutter. Bertholdt was already painfully hard and leaking precum, the friction Erwin was giving him earlier and just the situation in general already making Bertholdt close to the edge. The sudden skin on skin contact to his cock was overwhelming, and his hips jerked upwards with less control than Bertholdt would have liked.

“Bertholdt,” Erwin said, stilling his movements, holding him tight at the base of his cock. “Do you know anything about this?”

Even when Erwin wasn’t moving Bertholdt still felt like he could burst at any moment, making it hard for him to answer. He just looked down at him as the older man straddled his thighs, holding his cock with a large steady hand. After a moment Bertholdt whimpered, “No, I, ah, I don’t –”

“Don’t worry,” Erwin cut him off, a sly, but assuring, smile on his face. “I will show you.”

Then, Erwin lifted himself off of Bertholdt, and Bertholdt watched him in awe as he walked over to his nightstand, taking in the image of his muscles moving as he walked and his hard cock jutting out in between his legs. Bertholdt felt his mouth go dry once more at the sight, a dreamlike feeling washing over him.

Erwin looked through his drawer, quickly pulling out a tiny bottle and two condoms, and made his way back over to the bed. He smirked down at Bertholdt when he noticed him staring, and Bertholdt looked away embarrassed.

Before getting back on the bed, Erwin guided Bertholdt so he was on the bed more, laying on it fully on his back, his head close to the headboard. Then, Erwin straddled him at his knees.

“Pay attention,” he said, uncapping the bottle and pouring a generous amount on his fingers. Bertholdt listened; of course he listened, because there was nothing in the world at this moment that could keep him from looking away from the man in front of him. Erwin leaned forward slightly and Bertholdt watched attentively as he brought a hand back behind him. Erwin’s mouth dropped open in a silent gasp as he slipped a finger in side of himself, and Bertholdt couldn’t help but gasp as well, just from the sight.

From the angle he was at Bertholdt could see enough that he could see Erwin’s fingers disappearing into him, but he couldn’t see his hole itself. Erwin stared at him as he pushed two fingers into himself, and Bertholdt watched in awe as he began to pump them in and out.

After a few moments Erwin removed his hand, then reached out and grabbed one of Bertholdt’s wrists, which was hanging limply by his side.

“Here,” Erwin said, guiding his hand between Erwin’s legs, past his cock, and to the space Erwin had just been touching himself. “Try for yourself.”

Bertholdt gulped, feeling the slick hole presented to him. Erwin kept a hold on his wrist as he carefully prodded at his hole, feeling the wetness there and getting it on his fingers. Erwin gripped his wrist tighter, jerking it upwards, telling him to continue. “Come on, Bertholdt.”

Erwin’s voice was soothing, calm, but demanding at the same time. Bertholdt complied instantly, shakily inserting two fingers inside. Once again he felt his jaw drop in a silent gasp, amazed at the feeling of the tight heat that engulfed his fingers. Erwin began moving his hand by the grip on his wrist, forcing him to thrust his fingers in and out of him. Bertholdt could feel him clenching around his fingers, and he couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to have his cock inside him. He whimpered at the thought.

Then, Erwin removed his hand, and in one quick motion he was moving up Bertholdt’s body, his grip on his wrist still firm and pulling his arm above his head. He was straddling his waist now, and he took a moment to grab Bertholdt’s other arm, bringing it up with the other and holding them together at the wrists with one of his large hands. With his free hand he grabbed one of the condoms, opening the packet by carefully tearing it in his teeth, tossed the wrapper aside, and rolled the condom onto Bertholdt cock. Bertholdt moaned from the touch. Then, he grabbed the bottle of lube again and poured some onto Bertholdt. Bertholdt gasped at the feeling of the warm liquid on him, and tried to jerk away just by reflex, but the hand holding his wrists together keep him in place.

Erwin gave him a quick couple of strokes, fully coating his cock, before lifting himself up even more and lining himself up. Bertholdt was already breathing heavily, suddenly becoming aware of what is about to happen, and feeling incredibly nervous, but excited.

“I’m going to fuck myself on your cock,” Erwin said, and gripped his wrists tighter. “Stay still and pay attention.”

Bertholdt couldn’t hold back his whimper, and let his eyes slide closed when Erwin began to sink himself on his cock.

“Keep your eyes opened,” he said, and Bertholdt instantly snapped his eyes opened again.

He moaned at the sight of Erwin lowering himself onto his cock, and the feeling was so overwhelming he felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. He resisted the urge to thrust up into him, remembering Erwin’s words to stay still. His hips shook with strain.

“Good boy, Bertholdt,” Erwin hummed, his free hand holding onto Bertholdt’s hip. “Stay still and let me ride you…”

Erwin didn’t get to ride him for long. He barely got to raise and drop his hips three times before Bertholdt was letting out a startled gasp, shifting into a loud moan before fading out into a whimper, and came inside him.

“Ah! S-Sorry! I-I’m sorry!” Bertholdt whined out pathetically, feeling beyond embarrassed at how fast he came. He shifted his head to the side, trying and failing at hiding his face from Erwin. If Erwin weren’t holding onto his wrists he’d be hiding his face in his hands.

“Sh, Bertholdt,” Erwin said on top of him, easing himself off his cock, his still hard cock bobbing as he moved. “You did good.”

Bertholdt was still breathing heavily, but felt better at hearing Erwin’s calming voice. He thought Erwin would be mad at him.

Erwin let go of his wrists, but gave him a pointed look. “Keep your arms up.”

Bertholdt listened, and watched as Erwin removed the condom from his cock, tying it and tossing it to the side with the wrapper.

“The good part about you being so young,” Erwin said, and Bertholdt gulped nervously, thinking how Erwin truly had no idea. “Is that you can keep going.”

“Wha –” Bertholdt didn’t have a chance to finish questioning him before Erwin had the bottle of lube in his hand again, and he opened it and poured some directly onto Bertholdt’s skin, just under his balls. Bertholdt felt it drip down over his hole and he hissed at the feeling, biting his lip.

“Just relax,” Erwin told him as he brought a hand in between his legs. He used a thumb to collect the lube that had dripped there and then dragged it in slow circles over his hole. Bertholdt winced, feeling a little unsure, but trying to relax like he said. 

Erwin continued to slowly massage his entrance, and Bertholdt felt himself relax into the touch. He was exhausted from cumming, so it wasn’t hard for his body to loosen up. Erwin leaned over him, once again grabbing his wrists, and then pushed a finger in. Bertholdt inhaled sharply. It felt bizarre, but it didn’t hurt. It was mostly just uncomfortable, and he scrunched his face up at the feeling.

With a lot of care, Erwin began to pump his finger in and out of him, willing his body to get used to the feeling. Bertholdt took heavy breaths as he attempted to adjust. Once he felt like he had adjusted Erwin was removing his hand. He lowered himself, shifting his weight, and began to kiss along the side of Bertholdt’s neck before pushing two fingers in. Bertholdt let out a harsh gasp, the two fingers feeling surprisingly much thicker than just one. The lips on his neck provided him with a decent distraction, and on top of that Erwin started mumbling over his skin.

“Sh, that’s good, Bertholdt. Just stay relaxed. Let me.”

Bertholdt moaned under him, steadily becoming more used to the strange sensation. Erwin was twisting his fingers inside him, crossing them, and curving them, and then he arched them in a way that had Bertholdt sputtering in shock.

“Oh – ah!” Bertholdt gasped, jerking his hips without realizing it and pushing Erwin’s fingers deeper into him.

“Feels good, Bertholdt?” Erwin asked, and Bertholdt could practically feel the smirk on his lips. He couldn’t respond, still in too much of a shock as Erwin continued to massage that spot. “Tell me, Bertholdt, does it feel good?”

Bertholdt bit his lip and whimpered. The way Erwin kept saying his name was driving him insane in itself, that plus everything else was almost too much. He had a tight grip on his wrists, keeping him in place, his breath was ghosting over his neck and ear, and he kept hitting that spot inside him that he didn’t even know existed. He had to focus hard before he could speak, and he managed to gasp out, “Y-yes!”

Erwin chuckled, and before Bertholdt even realized it his cock was twitching back to hardness, and he could feel it against his stomach. 

Bertholdt was moaning under his touch, rocking his hips into his hand, and his eyes had falling shut, but Erwin hadn’t told him to open them this time so he supposed it was ok. 

Suddenly, Erwin’s hands were gone, and Bertholdt’s eyes snapped open in confusion. When he opened them he saw Erwin rolling the other condom onto his cock. Bertholdt braised himself, feeling nervous once again as he realized what was going to happen.

Erwin settled between his legs, one hand holding his weight beside Bertholdt’s head, and positioned his cock at his entrance. Before entering him, he leaned down to Bertholdt’s ear, and huskily whispered, “Are you ready for me to fuck you?”

Bertholdt didn’t know if was supposed to answer that, and he didn’t know if he even could. He just opened and closed his mouth stupidly, breath getting faster already, and shook in arousal and anticipation. 

“Bertholdt,” Erwin said, and Bertholdt visibly shuttered at the way his name was erotically spoken. “Tell me.”

Bertholdt gulped and willed himself to speak. “Y-yes, I’m r-ready for you to f-fuck me.”

At that, Erwin lifted himself up again, and then Bertholdt felt the tip of his cock at his hole.

Slowly, Erwin pushed in, and Bertholdt threw his head back and let out a loud moan. It hurt a lot. Erwin was much larger than his two fingers, and Bertholdt wasn’t sure if he would like this as much. Erwin continued to push into him, going slow and stopping every few seconds, but Bertholdt realized it was more tolerable when he was moving, so he rocked his hips, silently pleading with Erwin to keep going.

Erwin grunted above him, and took the hint, pushing himself all the way in and then pulling back out to thrust back in, pulling out a little further each time he went.

Bertholdt groaned, closed his eyes shut tight, and tried to focus on the friction. Erwin dropped his weight to his elbows, and angled his hips differently, thrusting into him upwards. Bertholdt felt a jolt throughout his body, and he gasped loudly in shock. He rocked his hips back to meet Erwin’s, and since Erwin had dropped some of his weight it left their stomachs closer together, so when he moved his hips the head of his cock brushed against Erwin’s stomach.

“O-oh wow,” Bertholdt couldn’t help but moan. 

Erwin chuckled above him. “Good, Bertholdt?”

Erwin didn’t have to ask again to get him to answer. Bertholdt answered on his own when Erwin gave him a very pointed thrust. “Ah! Y-yes!”

“You like getting fucked?” Erwin grunted right after, his voice still managing to sound as smooth as ever.

“Yes!” Bertholdt responded instantly, lost in the movement of their bodies and all the sensations. It felt incredible. 

“Good, Bertholdt,” Erwin got his attention again, thrusting into him faster. “You’re such a good boy, taking my cock so well your first time...”

He felt like everything made sense now. Now he understood why people made such a big deal about crushes and other nonsense at school. This was why. It led to this. It led to being with someone, being so close, being touched and admired like you mattered. It was amazing. He dully noted in the back of his mind that while now he understood all the fuss his classmates made about crushes and sex that, as the older man on top of him thrust into him faster and harder, he was still different. 

When he came, it was with a long loud gasp, and he got both his and Erwin’s chests dirty. Erwin pulled out, took off the condom, and then jacked himself off until he came all over Bertholdt’s chest and stomach as well. Afterwards, Bertholdt felt like he couldn’t even move, like his limbs were jelly, and he simply stayed motionless on the bed while Erwin cleaned up.

Then, Erwin drove him back home with the promise that they would do this again. Bertholdt still felt guilty, but the feeling was much more mild now. It felt good to be in a relationship with someone, someone who seemed like they cared, or at least it felt like it with the way Erwin looked at him.

He got home expecting to feel different, like now he could get his life on track, now he could be normal, now he didn’t have to be lonely. But when he walked into his empty house, his mom still at work and his dad long gone, he felt no change.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading and i hoped you liked it


End file.
